Favorite song of the week: More songs I stole- Billy Cobb
This is my journal page I guess idk what to put here, I guess I'll just put my thoughts here? Like just generally? I think I want to change the theme with my interests, because my interests change a lot and I'm getting into new things. I think I'll move my song of the week here too. I want to figure out how to add one of those music players to my site those are really cool.I should slow down, I have big plans for this site and I just keep getting more ideas, I really am having a lot of fun with it.
I finished Bayonetta today, it is all I'll think about for the next like 2 weeks, it was so fucking cool I really want to play Bayonetta 2 now. I wish I was as cool as Bayonetta, a guy can try. I think I'll start working on some more gifs and headers today, but idk I'm pretty tired I just finished my exams for two classes.
I finished my first header today! I'm very excited about that, I also finished all my exams. I'm seeing a ballet with my boyfriend this weekend I'm very excited about seeing him. I passed all of my exams which is pretty good. Other than that, I've had some name thoughts. I'm Tyra but I know it means different things to different people. To my parents, I'm someone completely different and I know they can't see me as their son/kid. To my friends it means silly guy Tyra, our loveable friend Tyra. I only like my name when certain people say it. I don't know what it means to me I guess, I'm simultaneously Tyra and not Tyra, I'm just uncertain of who I am and What my name means. Names mean things and I know mine has no definition, as a kid I was obsessed with having a meaning for my name. In Scandinavian ( I don't know how to spell ), Tara means goddess of war, but that's not the spelling of my name. I don't really know, I just wanted to get my thoughts out. My name and what it means to me is important, sometimes I think I still keep Tyra because it means certain things to others, and sometimes I think it means nothing to me.
I finished a gif for my header today! its 1am rn and i am very tired.
Yesterday I changed everything on my site, I had unknowingly hotlinked images? idk how I managed to do that, my site is a mess in its code. I forgot how close the holidays were, I've lost track of time jeez louise. I thought about my name again and I think I'd like to keep Tyra, it's usually a feminine name but that doesn't mean anything, it's mine and I'll decide what it means to me. I think I'm gonna make a page about Bayonetta and perhaps one about Bugsnax today, both were very good games, I really want Bayonetta 2 and I'm excited for Bayonetta 3.
I've got a lot going one rn, I'm trying to get several projects done for the holidays but I know it just isn't going to happen. I wanted to make something for my friends but I just can't, I have to work on my art projects they'll take more time. I'm also afraid the theme for my final is too personal or too boring, I wanted to show how the internet has grown and what has changed. The internet is a lot different now then when I was a kid and I want to show that somehow but I think my theme is a little flat, even though my art teacher said she was happy with it and that it was unique.
I wasn't able to get those projects done but I got one started today, hopefully I'll be able to finish both of my art projects this week. I went to my cousins and had an alright time, I took pictures of his cats. I haven't really had a good day, I've got some family problems going on and I really don't like the holidays.
I had a terrible day today, but my evening was alright. I went to get a mullet because I wanted one but instead the lady who cut my hair gave me a bob! How do you get a bob out of a mullet, I even showed a picture of what I wanted( I wanted what Snake Plissken had from escape from new york). It was really frustrating and I really hated it, I unstyled it so it looks better now but I'm still really unhappy with it, I look girly and that's not really what I want, I'd prefer to not look like that. In other news, my boyfriend is coming back in a few days and I'm really excited about it, maybe I'll get to see him this year ( hehe get it cause new years is a few days away ).
woooo! Happy new year! I'm about 5 days late but thats fine, I was really busy with some projects and family stuff, I also didn't feel too motivated to do anything with the site. A short break was nice. I made a small image for my art page and im working on a header rn, I think I'm gonna change the layout to an angel theme, since I have an angel oc ( biblically accurate as I could get them ). I applied for a job and I'm going in for an interview tomorrow, I'm very nervous actually I am nauseous right now because of it. Other than that I've thought about dying my hair brown, I was gonna wait for my hair to grow out, but the blonde looks really good on me, I'm stuck. I've also really been wanting to play bayonetta 2 since I finished the last one, I also started the witcher 3 but it's not that fun for me, I'm not huge huge on open-world rpgs, big fan of botw but it's rare for me to sit down and enjoy those kinds of games.
I bought and finished Bayonetta 2 in two days. I think I should stop flying through video games it's not helpful I should stop and thoroughly enjoy games. It was so fun, I can't believe two lesbians killed god ( again ). That's so cool of them. Bayonetta and Jeanne are girlfriends I refuse to believe that they aren't, why did Bayonetta go all the way to hell and back to save Jeanne? Sounds gay to me. I would probably do that for my boyfriend but I'd definitely die trying, I'm not very strong. I made homestuck jokes to some poor guy.
I saw my boyfriend today! It was so nice to him, I love him very much. I went through a geocities archive with him and I thought about how I wish this website will be archived, I hope someone from the future sees this. I want the future generation to experience the old internet too, archiving is great. That's all my silly thoughts for today!
Sorry I haven't updated my page in a long time! I recently got a job and school has been a lot recently! I should really get my grades up now but I'm just so busy, I still really love this site and my own. It's been a lot man. I saw my boyfriend today and it was so nice! We played Catan and had tea and watched jojo and cuddled for a little bit and it was just so nice. I love him so much I just idk i need to let everyone know that I love him. I'll try my best to update this site atleast once a week, but things are a lot right now.
Today I worked on a bunch of art stuff and homework, and I played a little bit of bass. I learned Burning Down the House by talking heads it's an easy song, good to start off with. I used to play bass a long time ago but I just stopped. I'm still thinking about that tea I had yesterday, it was so good. And I thought about a poem I was once read. It was by a guy named Izzy. It was about dysphoria, being a robot to a man. I think about it a lot and I think about being a robot to a man, missing his heart, built with unwanted parts, and called something I don't want. Sometimes I wonder how my friends could look at me and still see me as man because I don't look like a typical man. I still keep my long hair and a few feminine traits. I don't look much like a man, nor do I sound like one. So I wonder how annyone could ever call me one. This is a silly thought, my friends love me the same, no matter my presentation. It's still uncomfortable to be misgendered by coworkers. I think it'll be quite shocking for them when I come in with a deeper voice one day.
I bruised my ribs so now I have time to work on my site. I'm still very proud of this site, I've made it just the way I like it and I plan to add much more in the future. I also plan to play more bass once my rib heals up. I see my boyfriend next thursday which is kinda unfortunate, I miss him and I wish I had more time to see him, wish I could see him sooner rather than later. But both of us are busy, wish I could take him to Jupiter for a little while, that way I'd have a little time with him. I plan on adding a winamp player to my journal page, finally downloaded some mp3s!
I'm really sorry I haven't updated anything in awhile, school has been really stressful ontop of having a job that I am now quitting. Sometimes I wonder how I'll ever make it through life I really should have kept that job but I need to do school work, I leave the 8th which is not too long from now. Things are a lot right now, I'm just trying to make it through the last month of school and then I'll have some free time, might pick up a small job to save money, current job is a lot for anxiety and sometimes I cry before and after work. Took a GAD-7 test at the doctors and got a 19 out of 21 so now I have a therapist. I have an appointment about testosterone next week, accidentally on my boyfriends birthday. I'm really not looking forward to working tomorrow, I don't like customers it's difficult being in public spaces for 8 hours, I can tolerate 4 but its too much when it's 8 hours. I also cry in the middle of work in the bathroom, hope my boss doesn't see that. Everyone is nice but it's overwhelming and I thought I could handle it but I just cannot, it's too much stimulation too much to do and to think about, I would prefer to be in the back but that's not an option in retail or customer service. I am simply too scared to do anything and it's become a problem, it has always been a problem and I try really hard to not be scared. It affects my relationships, my job, my school, I don't know what I will do. Anyway that's enough for tonight.